Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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