In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The ass gains better be worth it
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