in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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