you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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