12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize