Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
