Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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