capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
