who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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