she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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