im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
