He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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