There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
