when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Someone shit on the floor
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
