I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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