I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
