Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
