I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
