Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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