Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
barbara walters just said penis...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
