Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
