what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
