Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So much rum. So many feels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
