New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
