i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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