So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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