Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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