just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my liver is dry heaving
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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