Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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