How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
