Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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