Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
