You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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