That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
