I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
