in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Randomize