I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize