If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
