I feel like abortions should bother me more
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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