I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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