hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
