My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
