I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He did a backflip because drugs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
