allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
