ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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