i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
