Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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