clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
