Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she peed on how many people?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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