I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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