I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't put those talents on a resume
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
