I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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