WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
