i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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