I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
