You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
