spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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