Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
