Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
